By Jonathan Merker:
By Jonathan Merker
This is a question I get asked a lot by people curious about starting couples counseling. It really does vary a lot person to person, but in my experience I think the hardest part is letting go of your ego.
Yes, your partner has hurt you. Can you accept that you, too, have caused him harm? Can you look at yourself in a figurative mirror and accept that your capacity to do your partner harm comes mostly not as a reaction to him, but from your own wounding, insecurities, and growing edges?
I’ve watched gay men who are unwilling to face their own wounds and insecurities while their relationship sinks around them. You know what happens next, right? They claim self-righteous indignation, blame everything on their ex-partner, and the next time they’re in a relationship the same exact thing happens.
Insanity: is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
In couples counseling with me, I won't let you hold onto your ego— not if you want to stay in your relationship. As indicated I will interrupt, call out, and help you see where your ego is inhibiting you from connecting to your partner. Then I will compassionately invite you to lay it down, and even help you do so as needed. This benefits not only your relationship with your partner, but also your relationship with yourself as well as you begin to heal the tender parts of yourself that your ego has been attempting to protect.